I live with a man that is an alcoholic and is a very carnal person. I been reading about problems of the alcoholics and there are many problems that arise with being an alcoholic besides health problems. he lie’s, he’s very carnal….now my question is how do I fit into this situation why do I continue to be with him, I feel like I am with him for a reason, I believe there is a reason for everything that we do. how does Jesus feel about my situation? am I doing the right thing, what way can I help this person who I care and feel sorry for. I worry about my salvation everyday and I fight with good and bad thoughts of staying or leaving. please help me.

Answer:

There are several things to consider and I suggest you enter into some kind of Christian counseling. This is not a thing to be taken lightly. First and foremost you must consider if you are in danger. I’m not talking about emotional abuse although that can lead to physical abuse. If your spouse is physically abusing you that is a matter for the law and you should get out as soon as you can. Jesus does not ask people to subject themselves to physical harm in marriage. If there is no physical danger first seek counseling. Even if it just for yourself.

The Bible does speak about being married to someone who does not believe. 1 Corinthians 7:

1 Corinthians 7:10 To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11 But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.

17 Nevertheless, each one should retain the place in life that the Lord assigned to him and to which God has called him. This is the rule I lay down in all the churches.

If your husband is willing to stay with you then you should not leave him. However, if he chooses to leave you then you have no choice. Other forms of danger that you should consider have to do with physical abuse of your children, sexually transmitted disease and behavior that may result in harm i.e. he insists that you ride with him while he drives drunk. You must not put yourself in harms way in order to fulfill your Christian duty as a wife.

Again, I close with this: Seek professional help. A website is no place to receive personal advice on these kinds of matters. We can tell you what the Bible says but you need to have counsel from someone that can help you evaluate the situation on a personal level.

Our prayers are with you.

I have a lengthy question, for it represents a bit of a crisis I’m going through right now in my life.

I apologize if you prefer short and sweet questions, but I am in a great degree of confusion, which can’t be summed up in one sentence:

My question concerns the issue of “embracing the ways of Christ” and requires me to tell you a story about my life:

When I was a fourteen-year-old freshman in High School, a new acquaintance came to me on lunch period and asked for a dollar.
I was young and hence naive about human nature and the ways of the world. Being brought up in a Catholic household, I did the purely Christian thing: gave the dollar without hesitancy or conditions.
Two days later, he came back for another dollar; I responded the same way.
Two days later, the same event.
Eventually it happened every day and went on for a few weeks; I kept doing what Christ commanded of us “Give to everyone who begs from you, and do not refuse anyone who wants to borrow from you.” (Matthew 5:42)
And then, I woke up; got “mugged by reality” and realized how not only was I being taken advantage of, but how my friend was making himself a slave to my generosity.
That day I told him no more dollars; he accepted this and left me alone.

This experience fed into the world view I would adopt in life: we live in a Fallen World; in a perfect world I would have been able to give him the dollar and trust it was a genuine need. But in a Fallen World, it only encouraged him to not be self-sufficient.
Considering that a central message of Christianity is that we need a savior because we can’t be 100% sinless, it seemed reasonable to me to approach life that way: sometimes we have to break the Law for a higher principle.
Any anxiety of punishment for doing so is unwarranted since Jesus atoned for out sins.
This doesn’t mean I take advantage of Christ’s Grace and live a gleefully sinful life, for I constantly strive to improve myself, not sin, and advise others to do the same.

One could call this a Conservative Point of View.
I do not wish to turn this issue into a political discussion; I use the word “Conservative” more broadly than political policy.
However, I have always believed that what today is referred to as “Conservatism” is simply the acknowledgment that we live in a Fallen World; while “Liberalism” is the attempt to pretend we can live in a perfect world, and ignoring our sinful natures.

This has been a big part of my World View, which I believed to be Biblical.

But recently, I’ve been reading The New Testament and find Jesus’ commands to seemingly be conflicting with this World View.
The fifth, sixth, and seventh chapters of Matthew in particular seem to be teaching us to ignore the sinful nature of the world with commands such as the quote I’ve already mentioned above.

It seems to me that the absolute and unconditional care for others Jesus expects of us would have required me to keep giving my friend a dollar a day, which would probably go on for the remainder of High School (or at least Freshmen year).

But I don’t understand why God would be pleased with this behavior.
Nor do I understand why Jesus says in Matthew that if we don’t keep these commandments we “will never enter the kingdom of heaven,” (Matthew 5:20) if He went on to sacrifice Himself so that we can all enter the Kingdom of Heaven by His Grace and our Faith.

My father tells me that I’m misreading this section of Matthew; that Jesus isn’t demanding works of us, but instead using extreme rhetoric to express how impossible it is to keep the Law and enter the Kingdom of Heaven on our own merit.
This makes sense to me, except for the fact that this is not stated in these passages.

I fear deceiving myself by believing somebody’s “take” on the Gospel, as opposed to what is actually written in it.

So, I have spent many hours reading the rest of the Gospels, as well as the New Testament Letters, especially by Paul.
I’ve learned a lot, especially concerning the nature of the Law and Christ’s sacrifice and Grace.
But I can’t quite resolve the original confusion in my mind without putting in my own “take” on it.

Can you help me understand what Jesus expected me to do about the friend who was exploiting my generosity?
Is there something written in the Bible that clarifies my confusion over Matthew chapters Five, Six and Seven?

Answer:

Synopsis of your question on Matthew 5: ⁴²Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.

Mark, you ask a very good question. It is one that has likely troubled the hearts of many Christians throughout time. We might first notice how the church as a whole has reacted to gain some insight as to how we should conduct ourselves in relation to giving.

Many churches I have been with have been approached about helping people. Most churches have something called a benevolence fund or set aside money to help those in need. However, the churches I attended usually do a good job of getting to the root cause of the need when someone asks for money. Is it someone looking to take advantage of the church? Is it someone addicted to drugs or alcohol? What is the actual nature of the need?

In your lengthy discourse you never mentioned that you asked the person borrowing from you daily why they needed the money.  Jesus did not mean to simply give away everything to everyone who asks. When we look closer there are things like “The man with two tunics should share with him who has none, and the one who has food should do the same.”  Luke 3:11

If we take everything that Jesus says to the extreme then we will all end up dead. This is the same mistake pacifists make. Another extreme is when people say we shouldn’t judge anything. This is not the case. It simply means we can’t make eternal or absolute judgments.  However, every day takes judgment to get by.

Here is another example of a real life situation I encountered that was taking Jesus at his word to the extreme. A woman approached me for counseling many years ago. She had slept with a man that she knew was going to abandon and hurt her. When I asked why she had done this she replied, “because of the Golden Rule.”

Now, the question you ask is somewhat related to the Golden Rule to do unto others as you would have them do unto you. I now ask a follow up question to put this all into perspective. Would you want someone to feed your drug habit if you were going to remain addicted? Of course not. Really helping our neighbor is understanding their need. Enabling them to remain addicted or remain a swindler is not good for their soul or salvation.

I have some personal examples of this. I was recently on vacation. I stopped by a car wash where a man asked me for money. I asked what he wanted it for, drugs or alcohol. He looked at me sheepishly and would not answer. I then asked if he was hungry. He said he was. I took him to Subway next to the car wash and bought him food. We also talked for a while and he admitted his alcoholism. He realized I did not judge him harshly and thanked me. You see, apart from God’s grace that could be me.

Another example is in my business. I have an employee who continually came to me for advances on his pay. This went on for over a year and disturbed me greatly. However, being a Christian I tried to follow the rule you mention, to give to him who asks. I soon realized if I did not get to the bottom of his problem he would bleed me dry. He was many thousands in debt to the company.

The issue seemed to be he did not know how to handle his money. He made more working for me than he ever made in his life. It appears his issue was not the need for money but the need for self control.

The bottom line is the Bible talks more to people about doing right than it talks about not being taken advantage of. You should always share with those in true need. If you give to swindlers you will not have the ability to give to those who truly need your help.

Hope this clarifies things a bit.

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After careful consideration of this question I must admit modern marriage is NOT the way God intended it. There are two ways to get married today. One is in a Church and the other is before a Magistrate. In either case if the marriage ends in divorce it is the Godless courts and laws that take over. There is no avoiding the fact that No-Fault Divorce has totally skewed right and wrong when it comes to divorce. The Bible has much to say on marriage and divorce. However, we will keep this post focused on the question at hand.

Marriage and divorce has been around as long as recorded history. In some cases civil authorities became involved in divorce and in other cases religious authorities held these courts. In modern America the rise of no-fault divorce has escalated to extremes the number and ease with which divorce takes place. For those with no religious convictions there is only the courts to appeal to for divorce. For those that believe in Christ there is another way.

Today courts honor 99% of all prenuptial agreements. In rare cases the courts will throw them out. This is usually due to both parties not having legal representation at the time of the signing of the prenuptial agreement. In some high profile cases, usually involving Hollywood types or high paid CEO’s and or Sports Figures, courts will throw out the prenuptial agreements due to some technicality. I’ve spoken with several lawyers from around the U.S. and have yet to talk to one where the prenuptial agreement was thrown out.

What can you do as a Christian to obey God rather than man? At the current time only three states allow for “covenant marriage” which basically binds a couple to go through the Church for any divorce settlement. You can Google “covenant marriage” and read many articles on the subject. Covenant marriage can be used like a prenuptial agreement. This would simply be a contract between to parties prior to marriage. In some states this covenant marriage can be agreed to after the fact.

Here is a link to one example of a pre and or post nuptial covenant marriage agreement.